Phoenix as a symbol for military spouses

The one constant in a military spouse's life is change. Over the past six years it has seemed like I have no sooner made friends, started to feel like I fit in at my job or in my community than we had to move again and start over.

I don't think most people really understand what this is like, and I would extend that even to some service members. Yes, they change locations and job functions across moves, but whenever we get to a new place, they check in at the command, which largely functions the same way as the last command (even though the names change) and it has the same corporate structure. This provides a degree of sameness that eases that transition and because the timelines between checking out of one command, moving and checking into the next are often compressed, they largely depend on spouses to handle all the crazy stuff that has to happen every time you move.

This means that spouses often bear the brunt of the stress of the move. Not only is there no seamless transition to a new job function in the same corporation, there is a job search at a new location, without much of the network you built at the last command. On top of that, one must find a new place to live, figure out where the best schools are, determine how long is an acceptable commute for the service member from the new apartment to the new base, get the kids enrolled and help them adjust, arrange with the crappy moving company to have your things delivered (and hopefully not after they have been crushed, water damaged, etc). There is managing all the financial burden of moving and putting down new deposits on everything, finding new doctors for everyone, new grocery stores, new car repair places. Then, once your stuff finally shows up at your new place, there is all the unpacking, setting up shop, determining what is broken/missing/water damaged, etc and trying to get claims filed (while living with all the broken/damaged stuff until the claim gets resolved). And somewhere in the midst of this whirlwind, you are supposed to carve out a space for yourself of some sanity and try to figure out how best to meet your needs both personal and professional.  It is ridiculously stressful. It is basically like starting over from the very beginning. 

My cousin's wife who has been a milspouse for 10+ yrs says that in her mind every other move is equivalent to a total loss in a fire (emotionally and financially). I think that it is not quite that bad, but pretty close. Moving makes me feel like a refugee. I realized this week when we got orders that I still have not completely unpacked from the last move. There are pictures out that I always meant to hang, but felt like I would have more time to paint, etc. All that is gone now. I almost feel like there is no point.

This week as I have pondered all I have to do in order to be able to move, coupled with all the stuff moving across the world entails I have started feeling really overwhelmed. I am excited for the opportunity to go new places, meet new people and learn new things, but I really just made friends here. I am not ready to leave them and start over and no matter how much we all profess we will stay in touch, I know I lose about 80% of my friend network every time I pick up and move on. 

For some time now I have been contemplating a tattoo to celebrate when I pass my oral exams. I want to get a Phoenix, because I feel like graduate school has been about grinding me down to nothing over and over and over again and my ability to recreate myself and rise from the ashes. And it occurred to me as I read Unlikely Wife's FB post yesterday and have followed the stressors of the move she is still very much in the midst of, that she is doing the same thing, recreating herself out of the ashes of another displacement.
Therefore I propose that the symbol of a military spouse should be a firey Phoenix, rising from the ashes of starting over from scratch again and again and again. If any group of people in the world knows how to build a life from nothing, we do.
I am thinking I would like to try to do monthly Phoenix awards here, for the military spouses who are doing just that, so we cannot only pause to ponder the hardship, but also the success we bring about in the world. So nominate your spouse friends in a comment on the blog on any post and tag it Phoenix, or send me a tweet on twitter with how to get more info.