Up, down, sideways

I just got back from Long Beach and LA. I headed out there for a conference last week. I stumped as hard as I could for a job, but I don't feel like it worked out. I am okay with that, I think. The money is superb, but I am not sure it would be a happy place for me in the long run.
While I was out there, I got to meet the Fish family, which made me very happy! I always love meeting another bloggy milspouse and I am so happy that they have been able to settle in to their new lives in SoCal. It gives me great hope for Senior Jefe and I when we take that leap. Plus Hilfish was full of all sorts of wisdom about navigating the transition, which was far more useful than the crap they put out in TAPS. And she made me feel better about the kids thing, it looks like I don't have to start looking at my ovaries like they are the enemy just yet. It was kind of crazy, but I feel like I have known her for ages and we just had so much fun. I hope to see her again soon, along with minifish. He's adorable.
I did get a lot of positive recognition from my department for getting everyone to CA in one piece. It was no small undertaking and I was grateful to be recognized for my efforts. Of course the alumni are still not happy, so what should have been shaking hands and kissing metaphorical babies turned into playing defense about why I hadn't walked on more water, fed 5,000 with one loaf of bread and turned water into wine. Apparently no one knows I am not Jesus; I am just a poor college student. But I did manage to convince these guys that if they donated $$ or time to me, I could accomplish what they want. We are talking; hopefully it will come together by the fall.
The highlight of the trip, besides my time with Hilfish, was going on a field trip to NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. I got to see the Mars Lander they are working on. It would record Marsquakes (earthquakes on Mars) and from that information be able to tell us about the size and physical state of the core (Earth's is a solid inner core of Fe/Ni, with a liquid outer core that generates our magnetic field that protects out atmosphere), it's mantle, and the thickness of it's crust. It would be very cool. I liked JPL's campus, but it was strange because it felt like a cross between a military base and a university. I didn't quite know what to think of that. I also was a little perplexed by how "true believer" the scientists were. I find I am quite a Doubting Thomas scientist, which annoys university types, but would probably drive these people bonkers. Nevertheless, I had a lovely visit; learned and saw lots and would tell you all, but then I'd have to you know...
After all this, I spent a day with Geoff's Dad and family in CA mostly just catching up. I remembered why it is I despise the concrete jungle that is LA...mostly the concrete and the traffic and then flew home late Friday.
I got off a plane and checked my email while waiting for a ride home and got a message from my friend that she was going to have to put her lesson horse, Coco (the wonder pony), down. I literally sat down and wept in the airport so hard that I ejected my contacts. I am heartbroken. I know Coco and I hadn't had a relationship for long, but he was just the most wonderful pony ever. I could tell him anything, and I frequently did. He made me feel so safe and loved. I just love the shit out of that horse.  People were looking at me all funny in the airport. I mean how many people do you know that collapse in the baggage claim in tears...
I thought I had gotten it together and I went about my business yesterday. My friend texted me today and told me we were still doing my lesson and I would be riding a different horse. I was hesitant, but I figured Coco would want me to ride, so I did. I had 1/2 of a great lesson on Merika and then  I just kept having my mind wander to Coco and how he did things differently than Merika. Merika responded to my lack of focus and lack of center by being a bit ornery, which was fair. So my friend told me to let her walk while I tried to find my center. She told me to focus on me and the next thing I knew I was just bawling on the back of Merika, who was kind enough to stand still while I did it. Then my friend is bawling. So I am laying draped over Merika's neck crying and my friend is draped over me and Merika is just chillin'. I feel terrible for comparing her to Coco. It's not fair to her. I tried to get it together and ride some more, but I think Merika knew I wasn't up for it, so we went back to the barn and I spent a good 45 min brushing her and crying on her before I turned her out to pasture. I guess I am not doing as well with this as I thought.

Coco, I love you so. I am so sad that you had to leave me and my friend. You were an amazing horse and an even better friend.  I will always cherish the time we spent together. Thank you for the love and trust you showed me. I needed you so much this semester.