One of my sisters moved to HI for college. She didn't get a scholarship and unlike when I was a kid, my Dad decided to help pay her tuition so she wouldn't have to take out student loans (which I had to do because my Dad would not help me). Fair enough. She got a part-time job at the HI cultural center. Fair enough. She asked me to add her to my cell plan, though she couldn't afford the $30/mo fee. I told her to pay me what she could, when she could.
Then she posts pictures of her going sky diving, which costs $$. And she's not paying anything toward the cell phone. Then she decides she is going to do this volunteer teaching gig in China this summer, like my other sister did last summer. She has to pay to go. She says no problem. I'm still not seeing a dime.
So my friend and I go to HI for Spring Break. I tell my sister this the day I book the plane ticket (nearly 2 mos ago). I ask her if we can meet up; she says yes, but is vague on the details. I reiterate my desire over and over and she says it's gonna happen, but nothing changes. I send her a text when I get to HI, no response. I send her a text each day I am there with the same result.
My Dad calls and I explain that I am feeling pretty used at this point. I guess I feel that if Senior Jefe and I are paying the bill, we deserve the courtesy of her picking up the phone and texting me back. But instead, I see FB pics and posts going up while I am in HI of her at parties. I'm livid. Round trip I flew nearly 10K miles, in part to see her and she can't answer the phone? My Dad makes excuses, so I have Senior Jefe (the family diplomat) try to explain the facts of life to him. I guess I just believe you shouldn't ask me to pay your bills while you're running around having fun and planning trips around the world. I couldn't have afforded to go to HI if my friend's Dad, a retired Airman hadn't paid for our room. I'd love to go to China and go skydiving, but I just don't have money to do all those things. We'd have more money if I chose not to go to BIGU and get a PhD. We have to support 2 households, which means less $$ in the bank for us even though we make more money.
Dad doesn't get it, so I called him tonight and he gives me the same crap. He tells me that when he joined the Army he didn't keep in touch with his parents enough. I told him the big difference is that he was paying his own bills, and thus could make his own decisions. When someone is in fact dependent on another person, they get fewer choices. I told him he has 48hrs to get a hold of her and straighten her out or the phone goes away. He says he'll pay her outstanding bill, but for me it's not about the bill. It's about responsibility and respect. She doesn't seem to have a firm grasp on either and I feel she needs to learn it. He tells me she'll figure it out on her own one day and that I "shouldn't cause a family rift" by pursuing this. So basically I should suck it up.
My family has always set out a different set of rules for me than anyone else. They can do whatever they want, but I am always supposed to be respectful, responsible, successful. I am tired of having a different set of rules. I am tired of feeling used.
All she needed to do was text me back either to say "Yes, let's meet at this time/place" or "No, I'm busy". It's not rocket science. Even if she had needed help with money to get between the islands, I would have paid for it. I wanted to see her. She just needed to tell me. Anyway, that was the sucky part of my HI trip. That and I got a sinus infection from the pollen and the elevation changes. But I had a lot of fun, which I will tell you all about later.
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