What I should be writing

I should be writing the manuscript for my first of 4 publications associated with my dissertation. I should be writing this, because it is up for consideration for a young scientist award, which would help my whole academic package as I begin to look for a postdoc.
I should be writing, but instead I am fretting about all sorts of things. Senior Jefe and I are talking about him breaking up with the Navy and going steady with me instead. I am comfortable with this. It would solve a lot of my problems and free me up to do some things that I want to do, but don't really want to do with him halfway across the country from me. I can't say that though. I don't want to influence his decisions. We made a pact not to interfere in each others' career goals, so even though the outcome effects me, I don't want to put my 2 cents in.
He is split on this. The military very clearly will be downsizing and soon. It may be better to get out ahead of this and get settled in a new career before having to compete with a slough of other veterans for the same jobs. At the same time, it is hard to reimagine yourself, let alone reinvent yourself when you have given over a decade of your life to one vision of yourself and the world. But the truth is, whether it's now or later, this decision will have to be made one day and he will have to confront life after the military. That said, I worry for him, because I know whatever happens, confronting who he might want to be after the military is going to be scary.
I should be writing, but I am still pondering what he said, that he was afraid I wouldn't look at him the same way if he hung up the uniform. This is not true. I love him and married him DESPITE his choice to do a job that I knew would try to rob me of the very essence of who I am as a person. I love him best when he's out of uniform and is just simply my husband. The uniform acts as a wall between us, because every time I see him in it, he is going away somewhere.
I should be writing, but I can't get over last week, feeling awkward in a room full of uniforms as they clearly don't know what to say to me once they learn that I am not just as scientist, I am a "spouse". It's my scarlet letter, pinned to my chest. I walked away from the event feeling sick and angry. Why do they insist in looking a gift horse in the mouth? They say the US desperately needs to replace the aging government workforce of scientists, but then they clearly only want one type: non-spouses. It's silly. My friend and I chatted about it and she thinks it isn't personal; they just have an idea of what a military spouse is and I don't fit that idea. They don't know what to do with spouses that don't fit the mold.
I, of course, think the mold needs to be dispensed with, since it clearly doesn't fit for more than a few spouses. But as another friend aptly put it, the military is like a stick in the mud, you shouldn't expect it to budge easily. My response, which I wish I had thought of before just now, is that all you need to dislodge a stick in the mud is an earthquake and some good ole liquefaction.
I have been thinking about writing the Secretary of Defense and telling him that, IMHO, the military would be better served by training it's own scientists and engineers, right out of the ranks of the military and it's spouses. There is a large group of people who care about the country, who need jobs and who would be eligible for security clearances with relative ease. Wouldn't that make sense?
I should be writing, but instead I am thinking about my career path in the wake of all of this potential upheval. I think I may, in fact, go tenure track. The pay isn't as good as industry, but I like the intellectual freedom that comes with the job. So we'll see. Maybe postdocing will change my mind. But for now, I need to focus on this step and the next step, not the long-term.
So while I should be writing up the result of my field work in Costa Rica, my brain is a swirl of all the other things that are pressing on my brain. So instead of writing, I'll spend one more day painting and cleaning my house and then hopefully all of this will settle in my mind and I, well, I will start writing.