As frustrating as it might be

People have the right to state foolish opinions in this country. Sometimes, the right to free speech can be downright infuriating.
But it is still a right,
One people have died to protect.
As such, I take it very seriously.
Tonight social media has been all aflutter over the foolish opinions of a newly minted milspouse. She argued that  Guard spouses aren't "Real" Army Spouses. She's wrong. You can read her opinion on her blog, as I shall not reiterate it here.
I have been a military spouse for almost 8 years, all of them during these blasted wars. I have observed the sacrifices made by our Guard and Reserve families, and they have paid a heavy price during these wars. They have not had the "two weekends a month, two weeks a year" experience for a LONG time (>8 years). They are supposed to get their civilian jobs back after deployment, but it often doesn't happen that way, meaning that after serving their country, they often have nothing to come home to. They don't have the luxuries we take for granted and bitch about, like the resources and support for PTSD and other injuries (even if the resources we have aren't enough). Family members are often far away from the military community, which only serves to make deployments that much more difficult and isolating. None of this was what "they signed up for," but they have done their duty courageously and we owe them a huge debt of gratitude. They are our brothers and sisters in this and they deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect that any other servicemember or spouse  is offered. I want to personally offer them my thanks for their hard work and efforts on my behalf.
I was very angry when I read this new spouse's foolish opinion. "How dare she?" was my first thought. However, as I followed some of the dialog about her behavior, I realized that some of us are also displaying less than honorable behavior.
First, let me fess up. I have said some really stupid things over the past 8 years. I am also not a rah-rah military spouse. My opinions continue to change as I experience new things. I am not the person I was the first year of my marriage, or even the sixth. The hardest part of being a new military spouse was the conformity of opinion. As an officer's spouse, I was given a laundry list of expectations and when I eschewed them to continue following my career path, I had plenty of spouses who lined up to "school me". As such, I don't really find it appropriate to hear spouses talk about "schooling" this woman, or "giving her a beat down" or "making her pay". Plenty of spouses have tried to "school" me over the years, because I don't conform to their expectations.  I have no intention of changing how I operate and I cannot support doing beating down another spouse, no matter how repugnant I find her viewpoints.
"Schooling" someone, if they have even a hair of a backbone, backfires. It simply creates further hate and discontent within the group and it does nothing to change the person's opinions. It's the old, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
On the other hand, gentle persuasion, without malice, can be difficult to resist. The military spouses who have most influenced me have all tried to love me wherever I have been along my path as a spouse, even if it was a position out of phase with their own. These are women who only need make a phone call and I would  drop everything and be on the next flight to help. Loving someone who is doing something stupid is really hard. Trust me; I know. I love my sister who is a recovering addict. I loved her even when she was using, even when it hurt.

And to this new Army wife, let me say this:
1) Don't judge until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes. Those Guard members and their families have walked to the gates of hell and back multiple times. They are our family and they deserve the same respect as any other servicemember and his/her family.
2) You need to take a step back here and think before you speak. Every time you interact with a civilian, it is an opportunity to educate the general public about all of our services and how what they do is vital to protecting our nation.
You can argue and be divisive, but you won't make friends in the civilian or military community. It will make things far more difficult than you can imagine. Isolation is the biggest enemy of the military spouse.
This won't be the first or last time that you will find someone who will make an assumption about you or your family as a military spouse. If anything, what you've experienced so far are what I would consider compliments. Some assumptions (like milspouses sit at home, make babies, eat bon-bons, and spend their husbands' money) are far more dangerous to military families. Spend your energy focusing on real issues, not one's that are of little importance.
I live in an area where there are FEW Navy people. People know my husband is in the military and so they assume he must be in the Army. Does this offend me? Hell no. If anything, it's an opportunity to educate the public about what the 1% of our nation that serves does. Any time I get to engage with the public about who and what the military are and what they do and why we need the benefits we were promised, is a good day in my book.
3) Let me reiterate: Educate, not eviscerate.
You are throwing away great opportunities to be positive PR for the Armed Services and for military spouses.
There are only a handful of active duty milspouses I have met that are scientists, and even less than that that are getting or do have a PhD in science. Every time I go to a career fair or interview for a job, I combat stereotypes about military spouses on top of the stereotypes about women in science. I could get mad and be rude and disrespectful to people. I could reaffirm their negative opinions of other spouses in an effort to differentiate myself, but neither of those options actually do anything to advance my position or stature. So, I turn the conversation and talk about all the wonderful, intelligent, hardworking, dedicated milspouses I know and how these qualities make me the only person to hire. Even if I don't get the job, I leave them with a better impression of military spouses, which may positively influence their other interactions with spouses in the future.
4) Most importantly, get to know and spend some time with your local Guard spouses. I bet if you realized all they face, you would revise your opinion.

In closing, for everyone, I'd ask that we all be kind to one another. We've all said stupid things. This is a prime example of a stupid statement. But we all have an opportunity to rise above this and set a higher standard for ourselves and for the spouses coming into the community. Military life is hard enough without making it worse. If she continues to spout stupid, hateful remarks, avoid her. Isolation will drive the point home. Threatening someone, on the other hand, will only serve to entrench her opinions. No one wins if that happens.