Insert cliche here

Cliches: "That's what you signed up for"; "Suck it up and drive on"; "Insert your cliche here"

I have to say that I take serious issue with those people who do embrace their spouses' career as somehow being their calling in life as well and then proceed to climb Mt. Sinai  and profess to the rest of the military spouses how we ought to live and see the world, which is what seems to happen on so many military spouse message boards, chat pages, etc, not to mention my friend's blog tonight. It's just plain BS. No one died and anointed anyone prophetess and leader of the military spouses.

I think it is great, if not a little intellectually and emotionally dishonest, that some military spouses swear up and down that nothing about this life sucks and immediately judge and hate on people who are honest about their struggles . It's just all sunshine and unicorns and nothing bad ever happens and we certainly never get our feelings hurt when it does. I think it is glib to say that when you were a kid you never cried for your daddy to come home. I know that my recollection of my childhood is incomplete, but even I remember crying for my dad a few times. I also think it is pretty holier-than-thou and judgmental to tell someone to "suck it up and drive on" when things are going wrong. 

Telling someone who is suffering to "suck it up and drive on with a smile" is about the WORST advice you could ever give. This is the advice that for years was used by bullies on the bullied. It was what school administrators used to say. We all recognize how bad that advice was. It's every bit as bad in military families. Military families ARE SUFFERING as a result of many years of wars on 2 fronts. No one has the right to judge how a military spouse or a military child feels about it.

If you are a military spouse who is managing everything just perfectly fine and dandy and you come across someone who isn't, take a moment and pitch in and help out that spouse or child who is in need. Even acknowledging that things suck, but that you hope things will get better, and that you want to help can go a long way to helping someone cope when the sky falls (and in military families the sky does fall from time to time).  Being honest about them doesn't make you less of a person, a bad military spouse, or any other nonsense someone may call you. And just because someone says that their life is perfectly fine and nothing ever bothers them doesn't make it true. You don't have to buy in. You don't have to adopt some fake mask in order to be a successful person or a military spouse.
When the Navy really screwed my family hard, I had a few stalwart friends who stayed with me, let me feel what I was feeling and say what I was feeling without judging me. There were some who judged me and let loose on me because they didn't understand where I was at at the time and that's okay. I am not angry with them. But those few women who stood by and continued to do what they could, even if it was nothing more than listen and be in the moment with me and hold my hand as I went through it are some of the most important people in the world to me. Anchored Away was one of those women, as was Bette, and Kimba. I know it was hard for them to hear where I was in those dark days and I know it would have been easy to judge me. They were awesome and held on with me and propped me up emotionally until I could take care of myself again. I owe them a great debt I can never repay and I love each and every one of them for being there for me and never ever telling me that I didn't have the right to feel or say what I was feeling at that time. I have become a much stronger person because of their willingness to stand by me and I hope that more military spouses will step up and do likewise. 

I know a lot of people who are hurting out there, far more so than I think I am right now. My email address is posted on the main page, but I am putting it here too: easternalbanianophioliteATyahooDOTcom. If you need someone to talk to, if you feel alone or you don't feel like you are coping, please feel free to contact me. I probably won't be able to fix whatever you are facing, but I can be a listening ear. Please don't believe for a second that you are alone, or surrounded by people who don't get how you are feeling. It isn't true and I promise you, it does get better with help and support of those around you. I can't undo or make go away the struggles the military imparts to our lives. I won't tell you that getting screwed over by the military is okay. It's not. I can't fill the holes that family should. But I can be an ear if you need one and a shoulder to cry on, and a support to hold you up until you can do it on your own again. All I ask is that when things get better for you, you pay that gift forward to someone else.