According to another milspouse who ripped me a new one on a message board yesterday, I haven't paid my dues and thus I don't have the right to speak about milspouse career issues. Seven years isn't paying my dues? Really? After she said it, the hornets swarmed and all the milspouses decided to weigh in on how I just don't get how tough it is to be a milspouse and that this must be because I am so new to mil-life and thus I just don't understand how tough things are.
I'd like to say I deleted my post on the message board because I was angry. I was angry year 1 when I heard this crap, and year 3 and year 5, but with ~3/4 of a decade under my belt I don't really feel angry anymore. I'm just sad.
I really believe that anyone can achieve anything they are willing to live for, to fight for and yes, even to die for. What that achievement is happens to be different for every person. For me, it's being a scientist and having a good relationship with my husband. Everything else takes a back seat. I don't begrudge people that have different passions. I want them to go out and explore them and make the best out of them. I want people to be ultimately happy with who and what they are, because that is what we all deserve.
I really don't believe it is the least bit helpful to assume that because I don't state my husband's rank or the number of years I have been a milspouse at the beginning of every comment I make that I must be fresh off the turnip truck and even if I was, does that somehow invalidate my opinion? I think some of the big things milspouses need to get over are 1) the idea that we are a monolithic group and anyone who isn't acting like everyone else must have something wrong with them, 2) that the servicemember's rank comes into the discussion at all (it's their rank not ours) and 3) how long you've been a milspouse doesn't mean anything; we all have valid opinions and experiences.
Now that I've said my piece, I am going to slink back off to the corner. I just hope that the next time I encounter another milspouse, maybe s/he will pause for a second and give me the benefit of a doubt. I promise to return the favor.
2 comments:
This episode makes me sad. All too often I see a mob mentality online -- with many groups, not just milspouses. You'd think that a we're-in-this-together attitude would be a positive thing, but some people's insecurities just won't allow that. I'm sorry you had to bear the brunt of it.
Thanks Bette. You have always been kind and supportive of everyone.
I think the lesson learned here is to keep my mouth shut. I mean, who cares that the DoD put the message board there specifically to solicit our opinions on career challenges, and who cares if I think that not stating my viewpoint might crush the aspirations of some young man/woman out there who is potentially going to be a milspouse? I mean I care, but I am tired of stating my opinion and then being denounced for it.
Oh well. At least I had a great lunch today with friends before I had to run home and deal with vomit dog. :D
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