A Valentine for my husband

My husband always asks me why I love him. Here is my answer:

I think my husband has always worried that one day I would wake up, the spell would be broken and I would leave.  I cannot say my marriage has always been sunshine and roses, because we have been tested in many ways. What I can say is that while I have considered his hypothesis a couple of times, at the end of the day I know there is no one better in the world for me.

I think Senior Jefe has always been afraid that when the financial burdens receded in my life, I wouldn’t love him anymore, like he was a paycheck to me. I never married him for financial security, though I have gained it from being with him and to a certain extent come to rely on it. I had even come to question whether he was right as my qualifying exams approached, but now that I am on the other side of it, I know. That’s not why I am with him.

I love Senior Jefe because he’s wonderful. I know that sounds trite. I wish I had better words. I love Senior Jefe because he sees the best in people, because he is kind to everyone, because he believes that we can rise above our basest instincts and actually be human. He is idealistic in this way.  He sees me for who I can be and not just for who I am. In that way he is like my grandfather and like his great uncle.

I love Senior Jefe because he takes care of me and he is the only person in my life who has ever cared enough about me to put me ahead of him. No one has ever said they would be there for me and actually shown up, except Senior Jefe. He is there every time. He sucks at expressing himself verbally, but he shows me he loves me every time he shows up for me. I think it is easy to underestimate the quiet things people do to show they care, but if you take time to listen, they speak volumes about the quality of the person.

I love Senior Jefe because he is without guile. He doesn’t have a dishonest bone in his body and I can trust him. If he tells me something, I can rely on it absolutely without question. That type of integrity is hard to come by. I love him because I know that when/if we have kids, he will be a good father and I can trust him to treat our children well, so that they will never experience the hurt I have in my life. I love Senior Jefe because he stands up to me and will tell me when I am wrong. He is my best friend and I know that when I am worried about something, I can ask for a “just friends” moment and get his honest opinion.

I love Senior Jefe’s strength. There is nothing better than feeling his strong arms wrapped around me, protecting me. I love that he makes me feel safe, that he is the only person in my life who ever has. I love Senior Jefe for his brain and his perspective on things. He challenges me to think differently, to reevaluate my own ideas and opinions and dig deeper, work harder and be better. I love him because he supports every effort I make to make myself better, even when it is hard for him to do so, even when it requires sacrifice on his part. I feel like I can do anything when he is around. I love Senior Jefe because he is understated. Where other people brashly display their power in order to lord themselves over other people, Senior Jefe walks softly amid the noise. This causes lesser men to question his power, but this is only because Senior Jefe only displays his power when absolutely necessary and never violently.

Senior Jefe is the love of my life and there is no one on the face of the Earth that compares to him. I love him because he is perfect for me.