The 90's military spouse; the modern military spouse

Before Xmas stand down, Senior Jefe was tasked with compiling a history of the base where he is currently stationed. So while he was spending hours scanning through microfiche (which I admit I forgot existed), he found a NavyTimes article entitled, "The 90's Military Spouse" and he made a copy of it and sent it to me. He knows that the role of spouses in the military is something that intrigues me because of my Women's Studies background and he knows, as many of you either know or suspect, I struggle with identifying myself as a military spouse because of this self-same background.
I admit, when he gave it to me, I was immediately intrigued and sat down to scan it before doing anything else. I think what I found so shocking is that the issues spouses deal with today are much the same as they were then. In fact, I wonder if we have made much progress at all from the time the article was written. In response to a question about what the role of a spouse is, Carol Barton-Silvers responds,

"Spouses, be they officers' or senior enlisteds' are no longer required to support the pet projects of the base commander's spouse. Certainly when the military member performs these volunteer activities it is looked upon with favor during performance evaluations. But it is no longer the deemed function of a military spouse."

The author, Michele McCormick continues on to say that, "These are bold statements."  Another interviewee, Theo Moffitt, continues,

"We are breeding a different kind of woman. They're not so interested in being a silent supporter. They're educated. They're independent thinkers. They're building careers and they don't see why anything should get in the way. You couldn't bend them or twist them if you wanted to."

 However, Melanie Robinson, recounts that she feels there is still "a big expectation on us to be good wives and mothers and citizens. There's a lot of pressure." She adds that "the wing commander and vice wing commander are still on the hunt, so their wives tend to do the wifey thing."

I think these quotes succinctly sum up the way things still are today. There are women out there who are very much engaged in their own careers, but it's really difficult to do. Women in the article talk about geo-bachelor situations required for a spouse to continue to progress in her profession while he progresses in the military. This, again, is the norm. The question remains, how much have things changed. It is a difficult question to evaluate, even with the plethora of bloggers and experience to draw from on the internet.

The feminist community sees military spouses as being militarized, i.e. coming to accept that the functions of the military come ahead of all else. I think this article reflects the internal struggle being played out by military spouses over the question of what role the military plays in each of our lives. The diversity of blogs suggests that there are a variety of answers to this question that depend largely on the personality and experiences each military spouse brings to the table. While for some, I think Barton-Silver's final comment that "I am a woman whose husband happens to work for a military institution" reflects their take on life as a military spouse, I definitely see others who clearly take a much more traditional stance.

I think the pressures, which are discussed in some of the quotes to support the military ahead of other personal goals, are still very real. Senior Jefe's ability to lead has been questioned on more than a few times not for any other reason than because he does not "control me." He has been told by more than one CO that he should "knock her up" so I don't have time to concern myself with a career. At one point this became such a frequent point of discussion that I told Senior Jefe to just tell everyone that I am infertile, because at least in the LDS community being infertile gave women the right to pursue other interests. Sadly, the military is not as charitable. I have been counseled by more than a few senior spouses, all of whom proudly wear their husbands' ranks, that my lack of involvement with the military was negatively affecting my husband's career. I think I made some sort of smart-assed remark about the work I did as an environmental contractor on the base should positively impact my husband's career as I was making the whole base a safer, cleaner place to live and work. So while I agree that volunteering on the base is no longer "required" for the service member's advancement, it is certainly made clear that there is a difference between what is required and what is expected and I do not meet expectations. However, I know spouses whose husbands have made rank despite their lack of serious wifely involvement in volunteering.

I decided to go to the library today, since I have been pondering this question for several days, and see what the latest feminist literature had to say about military spouses. I find that at times an outsider's perspective helps me benchmark what I observe against what others inside the military society promulgate. It was interesting to read that FRGs became a sanctioned part of each unit in the same era as this article was written. Cynthia Enloe's take on this was that it was a way for women to lobby for better resources from the government, and a way for the military to exert control over the new more mobile (in terms of careers and attitudes) military spouse and reinforce proper roles and norms. To a certain extent I can see her point, however, I feel it is an incomplete description of the function such groups seem to play in spouses' lives.

In early 2010, I was interviewed by a women's studies student at BIGU about what being a military spouse was like after my status was mentioned in a newspaper article about me. It was an interesting discussion to try to explain the complexity of ideas that one clashes over continually as a military spouse. I am certain I probably was not the least bit helpful to her, because I am so conflicted about my own answers to these questions. While I feel very strongly that my #1 reason for supporting my husband's decision to be in the military is that I feel it would be unjust of me to ask him to support me without returning the favor, I do feel conflicted about some of the compromises I have made in order to make his career easier. I fully admit that on more than a few occasions I have lied about various parts of my life story to make my decisions more palatable to people who have exerted pressure on him to get me to conform. Inevitably, I have also lost my cool in some moments, in an "Unleashing of Smurfette" as my husband calls it and given COs and XOs and/or their spouses who won't let up a tongue lashing that has been talked about for weeks/months afterward. I guard my sense of self above all. I have guarded it from too many people and too many organizations who would have tried to change me in an effort to conform and I feel justified in doing it because it has gotten me to where I am today. So, I don't know and I still question whether I am largely an anomaly in the system, or whether many other military spouses are quietly, beneath the radar of both the military and feminist writers, leading lives far different than those recounted by both the mainstream military society literature and the many books Enloe has written addressing military spouses. My guess is that the truth lies in the same types of complexities presented in "The 90's military spouse", where the pressure to conform is still present, but where more and more women are redefining the role of military spouse to suit their own interests, needs and desires.

How to quantify these changes is difficult and I am still uncertain how one would go about it in any sort of meaningful way. I feel that quantifying the diversity of military spouses in some meaningful way would be a major contribution to the body of women's studies literature, if for no other reason that for all of the things I like about Enloe's work, I feel that military spouses are stereotyped to a certain extent by her writing. The fact that this article from the 90's exists, where an open dialogue in the military occurred about the changing role of military spouses, even if it feels like we're in the same place today as we were then, suggests that there is no monolithic body of military spouses in the way we are frequently described by both military spouse handbook authors, military spouse magazine, or feminist researchers, or even the military leadership. Thus it seems to be imperative that someone take this idea on and address it.

FYI, I have no problem with someone taking this idea on as a research project, but please at least cite me in the acknowledgements of an publication, as this is a subject I have been writing about for almost 7 yrs now. Oh, and no, I don't have the exact publication date of the article and need to ask Senior Jefe about it.