Perfection

Our love isn’t simple, straightforward or uncomplicated as most people’s I have met. It is messy and convoluted. It is intellectual and spiritual as much as it is physical or emotional. It is based on the understanding of who the other person is and what they feel called to do. It is based in a place that requires no compromise of what the other values or believes.

I am routinely taken aback, no matter how many times it happens, by people who suggest or state outright that I must love my husband less than they love theirs because I am pursuing what I have always believed I was called to do.  I wonder if people would say the same thing if we were both in the military. I wonder if they would say the same thing if we were both college professors. I wonder what makes them think that caring about my career means I love my husband any less.

I never dreamed of a big white wedding. I never planned for that day. I assumed I would be alone all my life. I assumed only my career would be in my life. Then I met someone that I tried to shake off, get rid off, etc, but he stuck and I was forced to realize that maybe there could be room in my life for both a personal and professional life. I adore my husband. I worship the ground he walks on, but no small part of that worship comes from him being the only person I have ever known that understands my drive, my single-mindedness , and my determination to pursue my goals.

So we live this complicated life where our love is as much intellectual and spiritual as it is physical or emotional. We manage long distances and odd hours required by our disparate jobs and we realize that we may not get to enjoy traditional married life. But then, neither of us ever conceived of a traditional, ordinary married life, not even traditional or ordinary in terms of military life, so I’m not sure that matters.  The point is that not ever love is as simple or straightforward as most people imagine and when we talk to people we need to be mindful that even if it isn’t the relationship we imagine for ourselves, that doesn’t mean it’s not the relationship the person in question thinks is perfect.